I got some good advice when I first started, so i'll just pass it along. I'm not all that good myself, and I constantly remind myself of these points to get better. In no particular order (#3 is really the most important):
1. You're gonna suck for at least the first two years. It blows, but get used to it. You just gotta plow through. It takes years to transfer what you can do offstage onto the stage. It's frustrating, but there it is.
2. Don't show yourself too early. Don't showcase for agents, etc, until you're amazing, or else you'll just set yourself back. I've head many comics talk about doing a really important show early, blowing it, and not being able to book something similar for the next two years.
3. Go up as much as you can. Then go up even more. If you think you've hit a lot of mic's this week, hit two more. Guys in New York, and even a few in LA, perform 15 times a week. And it shows. You get better with every set you do.
4. Go up wherever you can. Even if it's a shitty coffee shop full, or even empty of other comics. It's all practice.
5. Find a writing partner. They can offer tags or help you restructure whole jokes, and working on their jokes will make you a better writer. Plus, you can keep each other motivated.
6. Don't shit on the room. Or the host. Or the producer. At least not while you're there. If you were good enough to be playing a better stage, you would be.
7. Keep your shit-talking to a minimum. I struggle with this constantly. It's easy to get bitter and jealous and bitch about how much so-and-so sucks, but eventually it'll get back to them and they might be booking a room you want to play in. Plus, you look like a dick. And, if you're not great yourself, you can easily get called on it.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
A friend sent along the linked below article for me to read. I was excited, since it involved a topless redhead (bottomless would've been better. mmm, firecrotch). Thoughts are below:
1. this proves my theory on topless beaches--it's never the people you'd want to see naked. mostly old, mostly unattractive
2. maybe for this shy girl it took courage, but honestly, how privileged are you when the most daring thing you can think of doing is to take your top off for an afternoon in a very liberal city in the summer? seriously, if this girl had ever faced any hardships in her life, she would've passed on this assignment as beneath her. look at how experimental i am! stupid yuppie. in a world where women are forced to cover themselves from head to toe, and are burned with acid for disobeying a man's wishes, i am not impressed by her audacity. booji, yuppie wuss.
3. Also, check out the pictures. Inn the body of the article itself, they display the author's image. she's a 6. but in the picture in the heading, they obviously got a model, who, while not showing her face or tasty bits, has a much more attractive figure. Despite Nerve's pretenses of loving love in all its shapes and sizes, they still resort to classic concepts of beauty to lure people in.
I posted my first point onto the comments section of the article. Unfortunately, no one's replied yet.
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/ididitforscience/topless-in-the-park/
1. this proves my theory on topless beaches--it's never the people you'd want to see naked. mostly old, mostly unattractive
2. maybe for this shy girl it took courage, but honestly, how privileged are you when the most daring thing you can think of doing is to take your top off for an afternoon in a very liberal city in the summer? seriously, if this girl had ever faced any hardships in her life, she would've passed on this assignment as beneath her. look at how experimental i am! stupid yuppie. in a world where women are forced to cover themselves from head to toe, and are burned with acid for disobeying a man's wishes, i am not impressed by her audacity. booji, yuppie wuss.
3. Also, check out the pictures. Inn the body of the article itself, they display the author's image. she's a 6. but in the picture in the heading, they obviously got a model, who, while not showing her face or tasty bits, has a much more attractive figure. Despite Nerve's pretenses of loving love in all its shapes and sizes, they still resort to classic concepts of beauty to lure people in.
I posted my first point onto the comments section of the article. Unfortunately, no one's replied yet.
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/ididitforscience/topless-in-the-park/
Below please find my guidelines for existence in Hollywood. I am wise, I contain multitudes. Rule
#1: Don't touch the celebrities. They bite. They don't like to be hassled, especially when at the mall with their kids, eating dinner with the husband, or getting into their car. The only time one should ever approach a celebrity is at a specified Celebrity-Signing Event--your red carpets, premiere parties, etc. Otherwise, just leave them alone. They're not going to give you a job. They already know that people love their movies: their paychecks say so. Having them in a photo in front of Pinkberry makes you look like a Starfucker from Hicksville.
Also, IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO RULE #1. Don't sleep with celebrities! They're fuckin' crazy! Didn't you see Showgirls? Remember how the black chick spends the whole movie saying how this singer is her all-time favorite, then she meets him AND HE AND HIS THREE BODYGUARDS GANG RAPE HER?! They'll do that, every time. Girls too. And this doesn't even get into my theory that all celebrities go Bi at some point, simply to try something new.
Rule #2. It's a tough town--you do what you gotta. A friend of mine turned down a commercial gig because he found it demeaning to his people. Good lord, after 5 years here, you could dress me up in a Hitler outfit for a SAG card! This is LA, people. It's not about morals. And it's definitely not about artistic integrity--take that to an Off-Off-Broadway stage in Scarsdale. Only the sick survive here. If someone tells you to suck dick for a three episode arc, you grab your headshots and lip gloss. There's work to do.
Rule #3. Be happy for your friends. No one ever got a job because their friend threw in the hotel and moved back to Kansas to teach high school English. True, a constant state of low-grade jealousy is endemic to Los Angeles, but do try to be happy for others' success. It'll make gettign through your day much easier. Plus, if nothing else, talking shit will eventually get back to them, and then you'll be the one teaching English somewhere awful.
Rule #4. If you haven't been to their house, you can't refer to a celebrity by their first name only. No, "Zach was great in that movie!" or "Amy makes me laugh so hard!" Otherwise, you sound like a poser.
#1: Don't touch the celebrities. They bite. They don't like to be hassled, especially when at the mall with their kids, eating dinner with the husband, or getting into their car. The only time one should ever approach a celebrity is at a specified Celebrity-Signing Event--your red carpets, premiere parties, etc. Otherwise, just leave them alone. They're not going to give you a job. They already know that people love their movies: their paychecks say so. Having them in a photo in front of Pinkberry makes you look like a Starfucker from Hicksville.
Also, IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO RULE #1. Don't sleep with celebrities! They're fuckin' crazy! Didn't you see Showgirls? Remember how the black chick spends the whole movie saying how this singer is her all-time favorite, then she meets him AND HE AND HIS THREE BODYGUARDS GANG RAPE HER?! They'll do that, every time. Girls too. And this doesn't even get into my theory that all celebrities go Bi at some point, simply to try something new.
Rule #2. It's a tough town--you do what you gotta. A friend of mine turned down a commercial gig because he found it demeaning to his people. Good lord, after 5 years here, you could dress me up in a Hitler outfit for a SAG card! This is LA, people. It's not about morals. And it's definitely not about artistic integrity--take that to an Off-Off-Broadway stage in Scarsdale. Only the sick survive here. If someone tells you to suck dick for a three episode arc, you grab your headshots and lip gloss. There's work to do.
Rule #3. Be happy for your friends. No one ever got a job because their friend threw in the hotel and moved back to Kansas to teach high school English. True, a constant state of low-grade jealousy is endemic to Los Angeles, but do try to be happy for others' success. It'll make gettign through your day much easier. Plus, if nothing else, talking shit will eventually get back to them, and then you'll be the one teaching English somewhere awful.
Rule #4. If you haven't been to their house, you can't refer to a celebrity by their first name only. No, "Zach was great in that movie!" or "Amy makes me laugh so hard!" Otherwise, you sound like a poser.
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