My three closest friends in LA are all leaving town this weekend. Which leaves me with nothing to do Saturday night. I can't even go hang out with C at her bar, because she's one of the one's going away, and she NEVER travels. Hence, I need a girlfriend so that I can have default plans.
Having plans on a Saturday night has to be one of my top overriding concerns since age 14. It's caused me to gain and lose friendships, juggle options, and fret constantly. Why? Because having NO plans for that evening would imply dorkhood, and as a former dork, that is my deepest fear (alongside touching homeless people).
"Why don't you just have Me-time?" some of you self-assured folk might ask. Because, I don't like me enough to spend that much time with me. Especially at the most social moment of the week.
So, I need a girlfriend. That way, you still have someone to hang out with, even if it's just loafing around the house. You can't be a dork because you convinced another human to be your ultimate back-up friend. And, they're nice to squeeze.
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